damn the man, and the empire

please explain to me how a billion dollar company expects their employees to continue to work "as normal" when they make an announcement that approximately 2 people from each team will be let go at the end of october. mind you, these teams have approximately 8 people on them... so your odds aren't good.

i remember being little and looking foward to working in an office, with a cubicle, and how fun it would be. i must've been on crack... and now that i think of it, these thoughts were provoked from hours and hours of having to sit in my mothers office while she worked on projects and i played with the dry erase board. those fumes must've been getting me pretttttty wrecked if i ever thought that a career of sitting in a cubicle under flourescent lighting was ever going to be a good idea.

the worst part of being informed that you could lose your job... is when you find out you're not the one that is going to be the "chosen" one, and then you're stuck in your lame dead end job anyway, while you spent the last 2 weeks day dreaming of all the fabulous jobs you could find and how much happier your life would be.

sometimes you need that kick in the arse to get you to do what you really want.

fighting with girls.

to the ginger in the maroon BMW on atlantic ave;

if a girl you "holler" at from you car, creeping down the ave, isn't interested: don't be offended. there's no need to get all nasty and call a girl "fat." that's just not nice, especially if she isn't fat in the first place. your mother didn't give you any manners, obviously, when she passed on that red hair of hers.

the girl simply feels that she deserves more than some dbag who can't even GET OUT OF A CAR to try to talk to her. yeah, we know, you think you're funny and cool shouting at girls on the street and making your buddies laugh in the car while you crack open a tall boy keystone light. but surprise surprise, girls are classier than that.

so when you decide to spit on her, or one of her friends, you have officially started world war III. don't be surprised when she swings at you or when her friends chuck beer cans at your precious BMW. if i would've been wearing stilletos, i would've kicked a hole through your taillight for her. you're a dousche, and you deserve it.

The moral of the story is... girls don't want to be holler'd at. trust me. no girl in their right mind has ever sat their kids down and said "you know how daddy and i met? my friends and i were walking down the street, after a long night at the bar, and daddy rolled down uncle bobby's window and shouted at me, "hey there beautiful, wanna go on a mustache ride?"

so keep your mouth shut when you see girls walking down the street.

and p.s. MAROON!? MAROON!? you were at the BMW dealership and you said to yourself... "you know what--- i think a MAROON BMW is exactly the icing on the cake that I was looking for." Unless you're Bobby Bowden, and that shit was free, you have no excuse.

lessons in tipping

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13: 11 (no duh.)

but when I became a drinker--- all those childish things came riiiiiiiiight back.

so listen, little mister asshole bartender; when you make me wait a ridiculous amount of time for you to acknowledge me, (maybe because i'm not 26 with polident, please see earlier post) when there is no one else standing in front of your bar, that $2 tip was earned.

you don't get the ability to just up that tip to $5 just 'cause you feel like it. that, my friend, is illegal. so next week, when you have no job, because your ass got fired for up-in' your own undeserved tip, you can remember me... the girl you ignored for 15 minutes.

26 and polident.

I want to be skinny. I'm not talking thin... lose a few pounds. I'm talking stick skinny. I want to turn to the side, and you literally can't see me.

I've come to the conclusion there's two ways to do this;

bulemia or meth.

both of which, will have your teeth fall out. but, if you're lucky, you'll be able to hold on to a few of those bad boys long enough to have your new shiney dentures tacked right onto those puppies. there ain't nothing wrong with a little dental work.

besides, you'll be skinny at the point. the boys'll all be in your yard, and they don't want your milkshake.

last time i checked, boys thought gummin' it was a plus.

numnumnumnumnum.

and so it begins...

there are 1000 reasons why people start blogs: to vent, to promote, to bitch, to complain, etc.

but why have we started ours?

mostly, because we think we're funny. in fact, we know we're funny. and we can pretty much guaruntee, we're funnier than you.

so sit back, relax, and enjoy the ridiculousness that is our world. on a daily basis.

getamongstit.